My first post on dealing with depression seemed to get a lot of attention. I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand it is great to know I have a lot of support out there. On the other hand, I was surprised and a little taken back by how many people are suffering from depression.

This makes me wonder about where we are as a society. I was born in the cusp between baby boomers and Gen X. I remember hippies walking around town and entered adulthood in the ’80s. I saw shop classes disappear from high schools, and college prep become the primary focus. Now I watch the “youngsters” growing up and entering society.

It seems that many are not focused on college, rather going into trades or running online businesses. Some are going into service industries. It’s a very different feel from when I was that age. I was taught to get into a company and work there for a long time. Now, millennials are defining their own futures. Creating businesses out of nothing, in markets that didn’t even exist five years ago.

For my generation, depression seems more prominent. Is it because the story we were told growing up was wrong? Did we just outgrow it? It seems like we were trained to be knowledge workers. Or, was it that standard career testing just didn’t work, it wasn’t ready to handle the changes that came in the ’80s and ’90s. These tests couldn’t have predicted how prominent computers would become. It didn’t know how to evaluate people for careers in software development, robotics, and so many others. Or, that so many careers start to disappear all together. For example, many of the people my age that went into software development had the same outcome from the career testing. We were to become forest rangers.

My generation did a great job, we automated bunches of jobs. We eliminated secretarial pools, automated assembly lines, and so many other things. Now the world is starting to move fast for us, just like our parents before us. I’m behind, I want to catch up, but it’s challenging.

Should I try to be an alpha programmer again? Should I do my own thing? Try something I’ve never done before? Should I enter the #vanlife movement? Should I? Could I? I don’t want to stay with the status quo, but I’m afraid of change. I’ve also been coached about making big decisions while I’m at a low spot in my depressive cycle (yes, I made that up). So, I guess I will soldier on for a while, making small decisions and hoping I’m headed in the correct direction…if there is such a thing.

Where will I be a year from now? Five years? I can’t see that future yet, but I’m trying. I want change and I will keep looking for it.

Right now, the only thing that seems to make me feel better is being around other people. Working on projects together, talking, planning…so I will keep doing this. Eventually I will find a path that works for me. Until I find that path, I will join others on their journey, on their path. Looking for my path, my journey…maybe I am on the right path…for now.

I hope to share paths me many people, in search of my next big journey. My next right answer…